Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
