Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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