and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
