she woke up with a sticky ear
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
