Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
sex in a hospital.. check
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
