I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
