I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
smell my finger.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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