Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
