i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
