Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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