I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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