No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
