I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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