My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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