True but thats because hes a fetus.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Dick very happy bro
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
