i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
