Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
