I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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