O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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