we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
