Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
