Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
