Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
