Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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