I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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