I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
