I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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