You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
