I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
