You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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