he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
There are leaves in my underwear?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
