Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
