Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
