You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
