Only a mothe r could love this liver
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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