You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
