Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
