Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
