every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
