i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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