We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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