so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
