you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
