Your tits are I can't wait for
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
