Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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