He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
