I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
