using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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