I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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