If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Randomize
