I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
