She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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